Look what I found!

Student: *Picks something up off the ground and holds out hand*

Student: Miss A! Look what I found! What is it?

Me: Well, that’s deer poop that your holding.

Student: *Shrieks and drops pellets*

Me: And that’s why I tell you not to pick things up off the ground… 

**Disclaimer: For a WHOLE YEAR I have told this student that we don’t pick anything up unless I say it’s ok. I see this as a good learning experience for her.**

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Hi! I’m socially awkward!

*First day of new semester with students.*

Me: Alright everyone, I want you to walk around the room and meet the people you don’t know. Introduce yourself and tell them one thing you want them to know about you. 

Students begin. I participate as well.

Student: *Walks up and stares but says nothing.*

Me: Hi! I’m Ms. A. What’s your name?

Student: I’m Ryan.

Me: Hi, Ryan. What’s something about you that you’d like to tell me about?

Ryan: …. I’m… Socially awkward! 

Me: *high fives kid* *laughing*

Me: We all are, kid!


*Names have been changed to protect the identity of students*

Time to lower my expectations 

This is a submission from my mom, a 7th grade history teacher of 30 years.

Me: How was the first week of school?

Mom: *groans* It’s going to be a long year.

Me: Oh?

Mom: These kids are getting dumber and dumber.  I guess I better lower my expectations for the year because that’s the only way they’re ever going to pass. 

There’s “allergy” in the pond??

Student: Miss! Look at all of this pond allergy!

Me: I think you mean algae.

Student: That’s what I said, allergy.

Me: An allergy to something is when you’re allergic and it makes you sneeze or itchy. Algae is a plant that lives in water. Two different words. You have algae on your net. A-L-G-A-E.

Student: Oh, ok! So will I be allergic because of the allergy?

Me: I still don’t think you’re getting it. There’s no allergies in the pond. Only algae. Which is what you’re holding.

Student: So I won’t get sick?

Me: No.

Student: What kind of allergy is this?

over it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me: I don’t know. It’s just pond “allergy”.

 

 

We don’t have those in America

kangaroo

Me: The really tall plants in this field are sugar cane plants. This is where we get sugar from.

Students: *ohhs and awws*

Me: But you see, we have a really tall fence around the field. Because there are animals that live here that like the sweet taste, too. Can anyone think of animal that we have here that can jump really well?

Student: A kangaroo!

Me: Kangaroo’s can jump really high, but we don’t have those in America.

Me: Think about animals that live here, in Texas. Anyone else?

Student 2: A kangaroo!

Me: Nope! They still don’t live here.

Student 3: A cheetah?

Me: Cheetah’s live in Africa. This. Is. America. What jumping animals live here?

Student 4: A frog?

Me: It starts with a D…

Students: Grasshoppers!

Me: …EE…

Students: Rabbits!

Me:
antlers

Students: A moose! It’s a moose!

Me: Deer. We have deer here.

Eye-roll-Tina

 

Will this fish bite me?

Student: Miss, will this fish bite me if I touch it?

Me: No, that fish won’t bite you. It doesn’t even have teeth. 

*5 minutes later, new fish*

Student: Miss! Can I touch this fish or will it bite me?

Me: Yes, you can touch the fish. No, it will not bite you. 

*Another few minutes. Still the same student*

Student: Miss, if I touch this fish will it bite me?

Me: Kiddo, none of these fish are going to bite you! You’re fine! 

Student: Are you sure? What about this other one? Will it bite me?

Me *sarcastic tone*: Yes. That one that’s an inch long and half the size of your pinky will bite you. 

Well, it’s nature, so…

This actually came from a parent, not a student.

Parent: Why do you have poison ivy here?

Me: Poison ivy?

Parent: Yeah, my son is really allergic. Why would you have it here?

Me: Well, this is a nature center and it’s a native plant. We don’t “have” it. It just grows here naturally. 

Parent: Wouldn’t you want to get rid of it?

Me: It’s impossible to get rid of all the poison ivy in the entire center. We clear the trails of it but it will always grow back.

Parent: That doesn’t sound good.

Me: Well, it’s nature, so… That’s just the way it works.